Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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