I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
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i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
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If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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