I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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