so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
