I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
