Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
