im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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