my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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