i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
