Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
