i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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