its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
