my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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