I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
