Who did Billy Mays play for?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
