Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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