you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
