Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
