did you get engaged???
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
