haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
