Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
