he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
