So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
