And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
