Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
