At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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