you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
