I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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