i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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