Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
