even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We need to get me chipped asap
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
