Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
