a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
