yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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