his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
