So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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