Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
