R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
