i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
