I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
