I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
