So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
