So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
