Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
