I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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