My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Holy sore nipples Batman
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
