just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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