It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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