Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
