walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I can't put those talents on a resume
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
