You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
