im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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