I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize
