Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
A bitchslap is in order.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
