What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
