do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
40s are totally the cure
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Randomize
