at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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