That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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