my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
what day is it and did you see me today?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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