My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
