remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
