taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
