I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
