The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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