..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
