I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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