i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We have started to decorate penises.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The uberlube is also flammable
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
