ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
