her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We got so high we made milksteak
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
