I looked at my own cervix.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
